LOST

9/21/22

Lost.

Swirling.

Uncertain.

What’s my purpose?

Where?

What?

How?

I’ve risen from the ashes so many times…

Have started over again

and again

and again…..

I’ve likely worked double/triple or googolplex more hours than others do in their lifetime…yet have little monetary reserves…well I did, but drained them due to a series of unfortunate events, and choosing to be there, spend time, watch out, guide, and help my sister go through treatment for pancreatic cancer. A journey that continues…

And I’m tired.

I’m so very tired.

I’m so tired I’ve forgotten how to know what it is that I want in life.

What do I want?

Need?

Like?

Enjoy?

What makes ME happy?

Feel joy?

What’s MY purpose?

My path forward?

My next step?

I’m spent. Exhausted. Tired.

Tired of feeling the judgement from those I thought were in my corner.

Tired of feeling less than.

Tired of feeling spent.

Tired of being tired.

Tired of trying…..

Tired of being judged by those that fail to understand

To know what I know

To feel what I feel

To have lived what I’ve lived.

That are quick with sharp tongues that pierce my thick skin and my heart…and live on in my thoughts, despite my brain trying to let go.

Words are powerful.

They can lift, or smother…and extinguish sparks….

So choose carefully.

Be kind.

Surround yourself with those that believe in you, are grateful for you, and accept you for YOU.

All of you.

Your laugh.

Your tears.

Your quirks, your talents, your gifts – because each and every one of us is a gift – just by being,

breathing

existing.

We are human beings, not human doings.

With feelings not faults.

With gifts, individual, unique personalities, thoughts, fears, lessons learned, accomplishments, challenges, experiences, and values existing and making up each of us.

We are enough.

We are worthy.

I am enough.

I am worthy.

It’s ok to rest.

Reflect.

Recharge.

And just be.

To be me.

ME.

Because I am unique, exquisite, beautiful, treasured, and worthy because I exist and breathe.

I may be tired.